conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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