They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Please don't give away my fajitas
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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