yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
