i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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