We won't sleep together?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
