No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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