He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
