Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
