I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
