It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
