i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
