I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
