This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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