And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
