We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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