That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
