my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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