Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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