her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
