I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
