NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
