Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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