oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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