just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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