I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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