So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
