you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize