so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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