please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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