one two three fourrrrnication!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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