all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
