***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize