someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
