dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize