What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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