how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
