why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
