hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
