Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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