In the future we'll all be gay
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
