Sacagawea was the original milf.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
