Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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