also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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