My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
