I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
