whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
