who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
birth control should be required to get into college
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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