captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
