...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So much Jack, so little girl.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
