It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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