I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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