Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
