Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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