just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
