I'd wear matching sweaters with you
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
