so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
