did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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