birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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