Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
