i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
