i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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