do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
